Bringing home a new friend is exciting, but often overwhelming. Here's what to focus on in those first few weeks.
My sister just adopted her first dog, which means I've been fielding all sorts of questions about the best ways to help him decompress and adjust, as well as a few "holy shit, what do I do about that?"-type questions. No matter how prepared you are for bringing a new puppy or dog home, dog behavior is so individual and complex, there are always going to be surprises. Here are some of my recommendations for any new pet parent.
The 3-3-3 Rule for New Dogs
We often expect dogs to seamlessly adjust to their new lives, but imagine if you were dropped in to live in a whole new environment with people you'd never met before, whose household rules you didn't know. Especially for dogs who have bounced between the shelter and one or more foster homes, or potentially even traveled out of state to a whole new city, it can take time for them to really start to feel comfortable, both with you and in your home/neighborhood.
Rescues often recommend following what's called the 3-3-3 rule.
In the first three days, you want to allow the dog to decompress as much as possible and get used to you and your home. Consider limiting how much space they have in your home by keeping them in a quiet room, a playpen, or, if you know they're comfortable in the crate already, a crate. Don't invite all your friends over for a party just yet—limit your new friend's exposure to other pets and people for the first few days. Remember, they may have been stressed and not sleeping well in their previous situation, so they need to catch up on their Zs. Now's not the time for their first outing to the overstimulating pet store or a long walk through the city—that'll come later. It's quite normal to have accidents in the house during this period, or for dogs to refuse to eat or play.
In your dog's first three weeks, they'll start to settle in and learn your routine, but you'll want to stick to their pace. If they're shy or nervous outside, don't force them to meet a bunch of other dogs/people or go on long walks. Be as consistent as possible with their schedule during this period—dogs love predictability. As a certified separation anxiety professional, I'd also recommend you start leaving them alone for short periods of time and work up to leaving them for hours on end, if possible. Get a pet cam so you can watch to see that they're comfortable.
In this initial few weeks, your dog is learning to trust you, and you want to focus on that bond for now. Now is the time to introduce some basic positive reinforcement training! Use lots of treats, and pay attention to what your dog likes and doesn't like.
This is also a great time to introduce basic household rules and norms—stuff like, jumping on me at the dinner table doesn't get you any attention or sit before I open the door or put down the food bowl. Don't be alarmed if they start pushing boundaries during this time; that's very normal. Remember to reward the behavior you like, and ignore the behavior you don't like. Your dog is still likely to be a little nervous and unsure, which can come out in less-desirable behaviors like barking or chewing, but some of these behaviors may lessen as the dog gets more comfortable. (Though you should always give them plenty of "yes" items to chew.)
Be careful not to manhandle your dog too much in this delicate stage. Lure them with food instead of pulling them around by the collar, don't force hugs and kisses on them (as tempting as that is!!), and avoid potentially stressful situations like bath time or big grooming sessions (unless absolutely necessary, like if they come home with fleas or mats). Once you build up more trust with them, these things will come easier!
In the first three months, your dog will likely start to feel comfortable enough to show their whole personality. This may mean that they're displaying some behaviors you don't love! Now is a great time to hire a dog trainer to help you manage any issues. Continue to reinforce behavior you like, and introduce them to new and exciting experiences gradually. As long as your dog is comfortable, you can try long walks, visits to the pet store and the park, and meeting human and dog friends. Always be sure to watch your dog's body language and work at their pace.
Bonding Over Obedience
Good dog training relies on the bond that you have with your dog, and there's no shortcut to that. The most important thing in your first few months with a new dog is that they learn to see you as a safe and reliable figure in their life. It's far more important that they learn things like "my owner respects my boundaries" and "my owner is a source of amazing things" and "my owner will keep me safe from scary things" than that they learn how to do a 2-minute sit-stay. We can always refine the training pieces later.
That's not to say you shouldn't train your dog, because training is a great source of mental stimulation for them, and an excellent way to bond. But keep sessions short and fun, and don't freak out if your dog doesn't seem to be headed for an obedience title anytime soon.
Say No to "No!"
You want to teach your new dog the rules of your house, but as tempting as it can be, scolding your dog isn't a very effective teacher. Dogs don't understand what "no" means—not least because we use it to mean many different things! (Consider that your dog has roughly the cognitive capacity of a two-year-old, and most toddlers don't understand negatives until about three.)
So, how come your dog stops what they're doing when you yell "no!"? It's probably because they're intimidated by your tone, rather than because they understand that what they're doing is "wrong." And that intimidation is going to get in the way of your dog learning to trust you, which, as we know, is the most important foundation for training.
Effective training tells your dog what to do, not what not to do. So focus on rewarding your dog for the behaviors you do like (say, sitting on their bed instead of jumping on your lap during dinnertime, or having four feet on the floor instead of jumping up).
That doesn't mean you should let your dog practice bad behavior. It just means we want to prevent the behavior from happening, rather than punishing it once it does happen (which we know is ineffective!). So if your dog chews on the remote, place the remote in a high spot your dog can't reach. If your dog has potty accidents when you leave the room, put them in a crate when you can't be with them. If your dog counter surfs, put up a baby gate so they can't get into the kitchen. If your dog tries to dash out the door, put up a gate or put them on a drag leash that someone can hold when the front door is open.
And then, of course, you can contact a trainer about building some alternative behaviors (like waiting politely at the door or staying on a bed during dinner). A trainer can also help you troubleshoot any fears or anxiety your dog is experiencing, as well as teaching you and your dog basic foundational skills. But in those first few weeks, just remember that everything is still in flux, and you may be seeing a little bit of a different dog than you picked out at the shelter. Keep things relaxed and fun, and don't push you or your dog too hard for perfection. You both are still adjusting to this new reality.
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